Also, the dreaded friendzone! The bane of every man’s lifestyle, the coo of every woman’s game, and the fuel regarding argument between the two. Men argue vehemently that it’s a really real concept, and women can’t seem to grasp what it really means–thus claiming that it’s a myth perpetuated by the PUA (pick-up arts) crowd.
Let me tell you from personal experience that it’s a very real place–a very frustrating place. The friendzone can plague your current every waking moment and turn you into a disappointed chump.
I think it’s important that I take the time to define what the friendzone is for the female readers who come across this. First, i want to first tell you what it’s NOT. The friendzone has nothing to do with relationship. Just because the word “friend” is used doesn’t mean that it refers to being friends with a woman. The “friend” portion of the phrase is used for irony because the most common response to men in this particular position is, “Oh, I don’t see you as additional a friend. ” So , before you get your guns out, know that the friendzone stands more for the illusion of acquaintanceship than actually being friends.
The friendzone, in very easy terms, is merely the position in which a man has very strong thoughts for a girl and is afraid to tell her. Instead of getting upfront about those feelings, he becomes her good friend first without ever expressing any sexual interest in her. In more severe cases, he’ll do nice things for her–buy her gifts, take her places, hang out with her to get a night, etc . He’ll get into long conversations with her contacting companies, listen to her complain about the guys she’s dating, and stay overly supportive of her feelings and needs without planning on anything in return.
Sounds like a good plan, doesn’t it? Into a guy it seems very logical. In fact , the number one complaint coming from girls is that there are no nice guys. It is obvious, then, that being a nice guy would be attractive to a lady. Being OVERLY nice should get you extreme brownie items with her.
The trouble, however , comes when the woman does not reply the way guys think she will respond. Because he has chosen to bury his sexuality and interest in her, she has simply no clue that he even likes her. The feelings create until he can no longer contain them, and he eventually leaks the beans to her. To someone who had no hint that he even liked her, this will come across as incredibly out-of-the-blue and overly emotional–which is too much for her to take care of. She’s thinking that she has a friend, but in reality he’s recently been too much of a wimp to tell her how he actually feels.
It’s a terrible cycle because the guys in this circumstance get frustrated that their antics don’t work as well as the girls get used to the attention they get from them. When the fact comes out, it creates an awkward dynamic between the two. The girl would like to continue receiving the attention because she thought she achieved a wonderful, nice guy. The guy just wants to pacte on the relationship because he’s frustrated that she prefers the jerks who treat her bad over the dog.
But is that nice guy really “nice”? Or will be the niceness just a form of manipulation? I assert the last mentioned. There is a huge difference between doing something nice because you want to and doing something nice because you think it can be heading win you “points” towards getting into a relationship. The key reason why that your actions go unappreciated is because you aren’t being good. You are trying to manipulate the situation so that you don’t have to risk something. You try to hide your flaws through your niceness–which allows you to deceitful and untrustworthy as a lover.